Faith Mothers and Lady Preachers (2 Timothy 1:1-5, Acts 2:16-17)

From Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by God’s will, to promote the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus.

² To Timothy, my dear child.

Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.

³ I’m grateful to God, whom I serve with a good conscience as my ancestors did. I constantly remember you in my prayers day and night. ⁴ When I remember your tears, I long to see you so that I can be filled with happiness. ⁵ I’m reminded of your authentic faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice. I’m sure that this faith is also inside you.

This is what was spoken through the prophet Joel:

¹⁷ In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
    Your sons and daughters will prophesy.
    Your young will see visions.
    Your elders will dream dreams.

Mother's Day is a tricky day for the church to navigate. While it’s a day of celebrating for many, it is not a picture-perfect Hallmark for many others.  For a wide variety of reasons, Mother’s Day can be a painful and difficult day.  Every year, I make an intentional decision that we will not recognize today in a way that adds insult to injury to those for whom today is hard.

In worship, we celebrate who God is, what God is up to in the world, and the various ways God invites us to participate in that good work.  And so today, we glorify God by lifting up the leadership women have given our Faith since the time of Jesus.  I’m grateful for Faith Mothers and Lady Preachers, for God’s Spirit poured upon both our sons and our daughters, and to be part of a faith tradition that celebrates this reality.  May we pray. 

Anybody have an idea how many women are mentioned in the Bible?  188 women are mentioned by name through the Old and New Testaments, and the stories of countless other women whose names we don’t know are also told.

The first woman mentioned, of course, is Eve, in the creation story that includes Adam and Eve.  God creates humankind in God’s own image – male and female, God created us, and we see that God’s intent for the relationship between men and women was one of partnership and equality.  How do we know?  The story tells us that God created the woman from the man’s rib.  That’s important.  If God had intended the man to rule over the woman, then he would have created the woman out of the man’s feet, so he would trample over her.  If God had intended the woman to rule over the man, he would have created the woman out of the man’s head.  But God created the woman from the man’s rib, right at his side, and made us as equal co-stewards over the earth – it wasn’t until after the fall that Eve’s equal role was diminished.

The Bible shows us women operating in somewhat expected roles: nurturing roles, hospitality roles, mothering roles.  But, the Bible also gives us stories of women leading armies into battle, and women serving as judges over the people.  I love the story of Jael – who led the Israelites to victory over the Canaanites after killing their captain in his tent.  While he was sleeping, she drove a tent peg through the side of his head.  I love the Bible!  You can’t make this stuff up!

Over the centuries, women were subjugated more and more, and by the time of Jesus, were treated as little more than property.  And so Jesus did something quite radical for his day, he treated women like people rather than property.  In a time when they were intentionally uneducated, Jesus taught women about the kingdom of God.  When only men studied with a rabbi, Jesus invited women to be his disciples, and Jesus commissioned a woman to preach the most important sermon of all time: on Easter Sunday morning, Mary Magdelene proclaimed, “He is risen,” and her message continues to be central to our faith.

Women were leaders in the early church.  St. Paul, the prolific writer of much of the New Testament, included greetings to women as leaders in his letters to the churches.  He supports women praying and prophesying in the public service of the church (Acts 21:9, 1 Corinthians 11:5).  Phoebe is greeted as a pastor, Junia’s name is listed as an apostle, and Paul continually gives thanks for women he considers “co-laborers in the Gospel.”  Co-laborers, not subordinates. Equal.

It happens, sometimes, that someone from another faith tradition wants to take issue with me on that.  They advance a theological view called “complementarianism,” basically meaning men and women have different roles that complement one another, which is just an institutional and theological way to enshrine a male-dominated patriarchy.  This person will typically quote 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 at me, which says:

³⁴ The women should be quiet during the meeting. They are not allowed to talk. Instead, they need to get under control, just as the Law says. ³⁵ If they want to learn something, they should ask their husbands at home. It is disgraceful for a woman to talk during the meeting.

Then, they quickly turn to 1 Timothy 2:11-12: “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. I do not permit a woman to teach, nor to have authority over the man, but to be in silence.”

These Scriptures are pulled out as “clobber passages,” because they function as a sort of blunt tool to beat down an opposing view.  The person usually becomes very confused when I start to explain that the way they are reading the Bible is called proof texting.  A proof text is when you isolate a verse or two from its context, and lift it out to prove a point.  When people do this, usually the only thing they’ve proved to me is their own ignorance, and I don’t usually argue with them, because while you can always tell a fundamentalist, you can’t tell them much.

But I know, even in churches that teach “women ought to be silent in the church” don’t actually practice it.  You mean to tell me women don’t teach Sunday School or Bible study or sing in the choir or talk in the foyer?  At my last church, Clara Hedberg talked through the sermon every week; I would have LOVED for that woman to keep silent in the church!  I didn’t have a problem with women, generally, speaking in church, I had a problem with one particular woman whose mouth ran constantly, yet to whom no had ever turned around and said, “Shhhhh.”

That’s what Paul was getting at.  In one church, a particular group of women were wailing and carrying on to the point of distracting the rest of the worshipers, others who were interrupting the teaching of the apostles with Q and A while they were trying to teach, and to these specific women, Paul said, “Be quiet in the church.”

Reading the letters that comprise the majority of the New Testament are like reading someone else’s mail.  These are very specific instructions to a specific group of women in a specific church.  “The problem with taking these texts as commands for all churches for all time is that they don’t harmonize with the hundreds of other biblical examples of women prophesying and leading the church. In the majority of cases, women had positions of prominence. Lydia was a church leader in Philipi, Priscilla led three churches in Rome, Corinth and Ephesus as well as discipling Apollos.” (James Watkins)

Friends, we can’t build an entire ethic around a few proof texts.  Dr. David Thompson of Asbury Seminary asks, “Do we read the entire Bible in light of these two problematic texts, or do we read these two texts in light of the rest of the Bible?”

Women continued to hold leadership positions in the early church for several centuries.  It wasn’t until the year 494 A.D. that Pope Gelasius declared that women could no longer serve as priests in the church.  That means they had been serving as priests up until then.  For nearly the first 500 years of Christianity, women had been in leadership in the church.  That church leadership became a boys’ club and stayed that way for over a thousand years had more to with Roman cultural norms than with anything in the teachings of Jesus or the experience of the Holy Spirit in the early church.

Susannah Wesley

During the 1700s, John Wesley relied on the gifts of women in the early days of the Methodist movement, in large part, because of the strong, faithful women in his own life, including his own mother, Susannah, and his older sisters.  We got away from that for awhile, but thank God, there was an important anniversary celebrated this week among the people called Methodists.  This past Wednesday, May 4, we celebrated the 60^th anniversary of granting full clergy rights to women in the Methodist Church.  I am grateful to be part of a faith tradition that celebrates and affirms God’s call upon the lives of both men and women into the ordained ministry.

The Scriptures witness, and our experience confirms the reality that God’s Spirit is poured upon all people – old and young, men and women.  God’s Spirit is poured out, and God’s people prophesy – they lead, they teach, they preach, they use their Spirit-given gifts for God’s glory in the world.

The Bible only lists one sin as unforgiveable, and that’s blaspheming or grieving the Holy Spirit.  If God’s Spirit has been poured out on someone, be they a son or a daughter, and we reject that person using what God has given them, that’s called denying, blaspheming, grieving the Holy Spirit.

I continue to grieve with and for friends who are not welcomed into their ministry settings simply because they are women.  Three years ago, our friend, Dana, was appointed to Bethel United Methodist Church in Oak Ridge, and on her first Sunday, was invited to sit in with one of the adult Sunday School classes, who demanded to know why she, as a woman, was qualified to be a pastor.  She stayed one year.

Last year, another friend, Katie, was appointed to a church where she was told, “You’re the second Lady Preacher we’ve had in a row; you just don’t understand how difficult that is for us to have two back-to-back.”  Never mind that under the leadership of the previous pastor, this church had 31 professions-of-faith out in the middle of nowhere.  31 people who did not previously know Jesus came to know him, the church grew, they paid off debt, heaven forbid they have to go through something like that again!  Katie stayed one year.

It's one of the concerns we had before Ashley arrived at Stokesdale - every move brings a series of unknowns, and one of the things we wondered about was whether or not people would give her problems simply because she was a woman.  As you can see from the previous examples, it still happens today.  Thankfully, they had no issue.  They didn't balk at her being a woman, or part of a clergy couple, or young.  They called her "Pastor" from the moment she arrived, and there are now 50 or so men the age of our fathers or grandfathers who love her dearly and will follow her leadership anywhere.  With those guys around, God help anyone who ever tries to give her trouble!

Our bishop tells us every year that he receives letters and phone calls from local churches who say, “We’re just not ready for a woman pastor, yet.”  To those who would say that to me, I’d say, “You’ve had 60 years to get ready.  It’s time.”  Or, in my more diplomatic moments, I’d invite them to enroll in my bridge-building course, in which I teach participants how to build a bridge so they can get the hell over it.

Or, sometimes, I’ll simply ask, “Then why do you continue to attend a United Methodist Church?  We recognize, as the prophet Joel foresaw, that the Holy Spirit would be poured out on all people – young and old, men and women, and as such, they would prophesy, teach and lead.  We’re into that here, and if you’re not, this may not be the church for you."

The problem is not strong and gifted and Spirit-filled women in the church.  Rather, the problem is weak men who are threatened by strong women, and have tried various means, even dubious biblical interpretation, to keep them from exercising their gifts. (Ben Witherington)

I'm proud to part of a church that celebrates and lifts up the leadership of both men and women.  Especially for your daughters or granddaughters, it's important to me that they grow up in a church where they can do and be anything God calls them to.

Friends, may we never deny or reject what God is doing, simply because of who God is doing it through.  May we not grieve the Holy Spirit by denying the gifts of those upon whom the Spirit is poured, be they sons, or be they daughters.

Today, I’m grateful for Faith Mothers and Lady Preachers.

Healing in the Body (Matthew 6:9-15)

⁹ “[Jesus said] "Pray then in this way:

Our Father in heaven,
    hallowed be your name. ¹⁰     Your kingdom come.
    Your will be done,
        on earth as it is in heaven. ¹¹     Give us this day our daily bread.^[c]
12     And forgive us our debts,
        as we also have forgiven our debtors. ¹³     And do not bring us to the time of trial,^[d]
        but rescue us from the evil one.^[e]

¹⁴ For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; ¹⁵ but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Today, we are concluding a series of messages on “Living as the Risen Body of Christ.”  One of the most pervasive metaphors used to describe the Church throughout the New Testament is a human body – comprised of many individual parts, joined and knit together into a living whole.  Over the last several weeks, we’ve been exploring what it means to not only call ourselves the body of Christ, but to live like it.

Relationships are what hold the body of Christ together – our relationship with God through Christ, and our relationship to each other through Christ.  Since we’re talking about relationships, I would like you to hear wisdom on relationships from children.

Alan, age 10, says, “You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.  Like, if you like sports, she should like that you like sports, and keep the chips and dip coming.”

Kids have some great thoughts on what people do on a date.  Lynette, age 8, says, “People should use dates to get to know each other.  Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.”  Martin, age 10, says, “On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.”

And how do you make a relationship work?  Ricky, age 10, says, “Tell your wife she’s pretty even if she looks like a truck.”

Life is all about the relationship, and so is our faith.  The Christian faith is not built on rules, it’s not built on rituals, it’s not built on being right – it’s about relationships: our relationship with God, and our relationships with each other.  The primacy of relationship is why Jesus told us the greatest command is to love God and love our neighbor.  It’s why he said we’d be known as his followers by our love.  It’s all about the relationship, and today, we want to focus on what it takes to have health and wholeness in our relationships.

Did you know there are six words at the center of every healthy relationship?  So whether your relationships are already healthy or are strained and in need of healing, you’ll want to use these six words frequently to maintain optimal relational health. 

And actually, they’re not just six words, they’re two sets of three words each, and contrary to what you’re thinking, the first set of three words is NOT “I love you.” If you’re still trying to figure out what the first three words are, here’s a hint:  About ten years ago, the University of Michigan healthcare system taught their physicians and administrators to start using these three words whenever there was a patient or family complaint about hospital services or treatment.

Do you know what the three words were?  I am sorry. I think that’s sorta counter-intuitive.  We live in a lawsuit-happy society, and it’s drilled into us to NEVER admit fault when there’s an accident, lest someone sue us!  We don’t like to show weakness, lest someone else get the upper hand on us and exploit our shortcomings and mistakes.

Interestingly enough, however, the result of saying “I am sorry” in the Michigan healthcare system was that in one year’s time, letters of intent to sue for malpractice dropped from 262 to 130 – more than a 50% drop in just one year, and the amount they paid simply in legal fees dropped from $3 million a year to $1 million.  We have some Michigan taxpayers here this morning, I’m sure that’s good news to you!  Such a drastic change, all from being willing to say, “I am sorry.”

Those three simple words are huge, and if you’re going to succeed in life, these words are going to have to flow regularly from your mouth.  A study conducted by Success-Motivation, Inc. found that successful people regularly apologize when they’ve been wrong, and unsuccessful people rarely apologize or admit they were wrong.

That’s true for success and health in our relationships, too.  Maybe you’ve heard that saying, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”  I used to think, ‘Yeah, that makes sense!’ and then I got married.  I found out that, in actuality, love means having to say “I am sorry” all the time!  If someone ever says to you, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” you look them straight in the eye and tell them, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!”

When I lived alone, what did it matter if I left my socks on the floor or my dirty dishes on the counter for a day or two?  Who cared if I didn’t change the roll of toilet paper but just propped up the new roll on the empty one?  Even just absent-mindedly whistling around the house or drumming my fingers on the table was no big deal, but now, I started to realize just how annoying that could be.  I learned to say, “I am sorry.”

And of course, the reality is that everything we do has an effect on those around us, for good or for ill.  The human family is like a giant tapestry woven together of a whole bunch of different threads – your life represents a thread, my life represents a thread, and the closer we look, the more we see how we are woven together, interdependent, and inseparable.  To tug on your thread or mine necessarily touches all the others.

That’s why it’s important to be mindful about the ways our behavior affects other people, especially when what we do has a negative effect on them.  When we hurt others by our words or our actions, whether intentionally or by accident, it’s so important to be willing to say those three simple words: “I am sorry.”

But what if we are the one who was wronged or hurt?  That’s where the other three words come in, and so we also have to be intentional to say, ”I forgive you.” In healthy relationships, those six words are used frequently: I am sorry, and I forgive you.

Couples who use these six words regularly and genuinely are about half as likely to divorce as couples who do not. And Christians, members of the body of Christ, who learn to say these words regularly, are much more likely to have healthy ties with others in the church, that can withstand the bumps in the road and misunderstandings that are natural and inevitable in living in community with others.

No surprise that Jesus had a lot to say about forgiveness.  It’s an important part of the Lord’s Prayer Christians pray every Sunday, and which we read today.  It’s right there in that part where we say, “Forgive us our debts, or our trespasses, or our sins, as we forgive those who trespass against us.  Essentially, we’re sorry for what we’ve done wrong, and we won’t hold it against other people for the ways they’ve wronged us.  We are both seeking forgiveness from God and from those we’ve wronged, while we extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us. 

True enough, forgiveness doesn’t always come easy.  Sometimes, it takes awhile to forgive.  The deeper the cut, the longer it takes to heal.

That is, of course, something altogether differently than intentionally withholding forgiveness or nursing a grudge.  There are people I know – some of whom I am related to – who can hold onto a grudge like no one’s business!  You cross them once, and you go on the list, and once you go on the list, the sweet Lord Jesus himself couldn’t get you off of it.  Anyone else know anybody like that?

Now, let me ask you this: do you enjoy hanging around people like that?  You see, for some folks, maybe even some of us, forgiveness is a bitter pill to swallow, but when we withhold forgiveness, the result is that we become bitter, ourselves.  Angry, resentful, hostile, negative.  And when we do, we are hardly a fit vessel to carry God’s healing love and light to the world around us.

There are a number of studies that link hanging onto an attitude of resentment with a number of physiological symptoms, including high blood pressure, stroke, heart attacks, weight gain, and diabetes.  It’s said that holding a grudge is like drinking poison, yourself, and hoping the other person dies.  Holding onto a grudge is holding onto someone else’s baggage.  Holding onto a grudge is letting someone else take us for a ride on the bitter bus.  Holding onto a grudge is letting someone else live in our head rent-free.  When we hold a grudge against someone, the truth is that it hurts us more than them.

I used to think that we only had to forgive someone if they specifically asked for forgiveness, and otherwise, we were justified to hang onto those ill feelings toward them.  But friends, Jesus said when we forgive, God forgives us.  When we don’t forgive, we’ve called into question our own forgiveness.  Better to let it go, and be people who extend forgiveness as freely as God extends it to us.  For your own sake, and for the love of God, quite literally, better to let it go.

Friends, holding a grudge doesn’t make you strong, it makes you bitter.  Forgiving doesn’t make you weak, it sets you free.

When you’re finding it difficult to forgive someone else, start by praying for them.  Jesus told us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.  Just naming them before God, asking God to help us let it go, asking for healing in the fractured relationship, asking God to bless them even when we’re still sort of upset with them is a great step toward being reconciled.

I remember a situation in which someone had wronged me and hurt me deeply and I prayed for them – I prayed for them nearly every day for six months.  Then I ran into them one day and you know what?  I realized I wasn’t mad at them anymore.  Because while I was praying for them, something happened.  God did something in my heart, and I realized I wasn’t mad at them anymore.  There was still work to do in fixing that relationship, but at least my walls had finally come down, and that was a good start toward healing.

Friends, today’s message couldn’t be any simpler, and it comes with a simple invitation: as members of the body of Christ, to regularly say those six words that bring healing in our relationships.  What are the first three?  I am sorry.  And the other three?  I forgive you.

Every week we pray, “Forgive us our trespasses, our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”  Today, let’s not just pray it.  Let’s actually do it.  It’s a great day to seek and extend forgiveness.

Let us pray.  Lord, put on our minds the people to whom we need to say, “I am sorry.”  And put on our minds the people to whom we need to say, “I forgive you.”  Help us to be people who put what we say we believe into action.  Help us to not only talk about forgiveness, but to seek it and extend it.  By your grace, may we demonstrate mercy, and compassion, and love, and forgiveness to others.  Help us to forgive, as we have been forgiven.  Amen.

Conflict in the Body (Matthew 18:15-22)

¹⁵ “If your brother or sister sins against you, go and correct them when you are alone together. If they listen to you, then you’ve won over your brother or sister. ¹⁶  But if they won’t listen, take with you one or two others so that every word may be established by the mouth of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷  But if they still won’t pay attention, report it to the church. If they won’t pay attention even to the church, treat them as you would a Gentile and tax collector. ¹⁸  I assure you that whatever you fasten on earth will be fastened in heaven. And whatever you loosen on earth will be loosened in heaven. ¹⁹  Again I assure you that if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, then my Father who is in heaven will do it for you. ²⁰  For where two or three are gathered in my name, I’m there with them.”

²¹ Then Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Should I forgive as many as seven times?”

²² Jesus said, “Not just seven times, but rather as many as seventy-seven times.

Today we’re continuing in a series of messages on “Living as the RISEN Body of Christ.”  Since Easter, we’ve been exploring what it means for us to not only call ourselves members of the Body of Christ, but also what it means to actually live like it.

We are meant to live in community.   It’s been said that one of the greatest things about being part of the church are the people!  And one of the most difficult things about being part of the church are . . . the people!  Where two or three are gathered, someone is eventually going to rub someone else the wrong way.  We call that conflict.

Even as we try to live in harmony with each other, within established boundaries of a healthy Christian community, there will still be times when we “miss the mark.”  Whether intentionally or accidentally, there are times when our words or our actions offend one another with the potential of harming our life and work together.  The Greek word for “sin” is hamartia, and it literally means, “to miss the mark.”  As one rabbi explained:

You shoot an arrow, but it misses the target.  Maybe it hits someone’s backside, someone you didn’t even know was there.  You didn’t mean it, but it’s still a sin.  Or maybe you knew he was there—his backside is where you were aiming.  Now that’s a sin! (Forest, “Rest for our Souls,” p. 30).

Matthew 18 are Jesus’ instructions for resolving conflict within the Church.  Think of it!  Have you ever heard of conflict within the Church?  Mercy!  Christians unable to get along with each other – my heavens!  Have you heard of such a thing??!

For some reason, people - even people in the church - think that following Jesus is easy.  Real churches have real conflict, which Jesus anticipated.

Conflict does not kill churches. Refusing to deal with conflict does.  In Matthew 18, Jesus gave us a four-step process for resolving conflict.

Step One: Go to the offender one-on-one in private.  Verse 15: If your brother or sister sins against you, go and correct them when you are alone together. If they listen to you, then you’ve won over your brother or sister.  Jesus clearly puts the responsibility for the first step of reconciliation on the person who has been offended, Person A.  Why?  Because, sometimes we sin, “miss the mark,” without even realizing we’ve done it.  Sometimes the only way we will know is for the person we’ve slighted to point it out directly to us.  Therefore, if you have been offended by someone, you must first go one-on-one in private to the person who has offended you to point out the offense and to try and understand what happened with that individual.

Maybe, after you’ve talked one-on-one, they still don’t get it.  They haven’t heard you.  So, Step Two:  Take a Christian witness with you.  Verse 16: But if they won’t listen, take with you one or two others so that every word may be established by the mouth of two or three witnesses.  Take one or two others with you who are committed to both of you and who want to see the relationship restored between you.  Do not take people who will choose sides.  The purpose of this witness is to help the two of you speak and listen for the truth in love for the purpose of understanding each other and restoring your relationship.

Maybe there’s still no reconciliation at this point.  So, Step Three: ask for help from the church.  Maybe you need to ask someone from church leadership to speak to the offender with you.  That could be the pastor, or a member of the SPRC, or the Lay Leader, or any number of people.  Again, that person is not there to take sides, but to continue to listen for and speak the truth in love, with the purpose of understanding and restoring the relationship.

Maybe it still hasn’t worked.  Verse 17 says to treat them like you would a tax collector or a Gentile.  What that means is that Step Four is to regard them as one who has chosen to remain outside the boundaries of belonging to the Body of Christ.  If the offender, after all those steps, still refuses to do what is needed to restore the relationship, then the church responds by treating the individual as one who has stepped outside of, and chooses to remain outside of, the fellowship of the Body of Christ.

But, this doesn’t make them an outcast.  It’s critically important for us to also acknowledge how Jesus regarded pagans and corrupt tax collector as we determine how to treat a brother or sister in this situation.  What did Jesus do to tax collectors and sinners?  He loved them, while also making it clear what behaviors and attitudes were expected and required to be part of the community of believers.  Likewise, our willingness and commitment to reconcile among one another as believers is one of the most crucial among these expectations.

When I look at this process, one thing stands out clearly to me.  99% of conflict can be resolved at Step One.  And yet, 99% of the time, we skip to Step Three or Step Four.  This doesn’t resolve conflict; it magnifies it.  It brings people into the conflict who have nothing to do with it.  We talk about each other rather than to each other.

We talk about people before we talk to them because we trust our own way more than we trust Jesus’ way.  In all his teachings in Scripture, Matthew 18 is the only place where he gives detailed step-by-step instructions.  Jesus knew that we would try to make things right “our way” rather than his, with the best of intentions, certainly, but that doing it our way would ultimately harm our relationships and the Body of Christ as a whole.  When we follow our own pattern of talking about people rather than to them, another sin results, the sin of gossip.

It’s said, “loose lips sink ships.”  They sink congregations, too.  I want you to meet Person A and Person B.  Person B has offended Person A, and again, Jesus has made it very clear that Person A must go to Person B privately, one-on-one, in order for reconciliation to take place.  But too often, we go to a third party.  Person A, instead of talking to Person B, tells Person C.  What does Person C have to do with it?  Absolutely nothing.  But now, all of a sudden, they’re part of the conflict, which is starting to grow.  And then, what if person C gets on the phone and tells Person D, P, M, and Z, and then all of them get on the

phone and call a few others, well, you can see how the conflict snowballs and involves a whole bunch of people who have nothing to do with it.  It’s the sin of gossip and triangulation.  Everyone is talking about the incident, except for the only two people who can resolve it – Person A, and Person B.

Why are we mortified to talk directly to someone about whatever the issue is, but we are not mortified to call 17 other people and tell them about it? 

Proverbs 26:20: Without wood, a fire goes out.  Without gossip, a quarrel dies down.

Gossip in our relationships is highly corrosive, and is the greatest sin that threatens the Body of Christ today.  Gossip magnifies the original offense and forces Person A and Person B farther and farther apart.  What was initially an offense that involved only two individuals becomes an invasive cancer that can threaten the entire Body.

We must remember that ONLY Persons A and B can reconcile the relationship through the grace of God and the unifying work of the Holy Spirit.  However, when other parties get involved without Persons A and B working together to heal the relationship, these two individuals are often forced further apart, and healing is delayed or destroyed.

What do we do if we find ourselves as Person C?  The only appropriate and godly action is for Person C to show compassion to Person A, and then redirect Person A to go one-on-one in private to Person B.  Furthermore, Person C should talk to no one except God, committing to pray for reconciliation between the two.

It happens sometimes that Person A shows up in my office to tell me what Person B did.  And I say, “Hold on, there.  Before you tell me anything, have you talked directly to them?”  And there’s usually this uncomfortable silence, and then I’ll say, “Tell ya what, before you talk to me, you need to talk to them.

Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, until you have talked directly, privately, one-on-one, face-to-face, to the person, so that the relationship can be restored. People sometimes say, “You’re just direct because you’re from the North.”  No, I’m direct because Jesus told us to be.  99% of conflict would be resolved, right there, if we would intentionally commit to talk to people and not about them.

Remember, for Christians, the goal is always reconciliation.  Before you share something, before you speak, before you CC someone on that email, ask yourself why you’re doing it.  Is your goal reconciliation?  Or are you trying to get people over to your side?  Prove a point?  Look good?  Make someone else look poorly?  Giving the old pot a stir just to see what bubbles up?  Does it have anything to do with you?  Will it fan the flames of conflict, turning a brushfire into an inferno, when you could rob the fire of fuel, and help it die down?

Friends, too many incidents of conflict are bigger and involve more people than they should.  99% of conflict can be resolved at Step One, by talking to each other, and not about each other.

Reconciliation takes place on a small stage, usually with only two people.  Two or three, united in Christ, that’s the basic building block of the body of Christ.

My Dad’s first pastorate was in a town of 700 people about 60 miles north of Oklahoma City.  The two big industries there were oil and agriculture.  There were two farm equipment dealers in town – one who sold John Deere equipment, and the other who sold Case Harvester International equipment.  They were competitors.

They were also members of my Dad’s church, and every week, they arrived to worship about 15 minutes early so they talk, and the goal of that weekly meeting in the back corner of the sanctuary was to go over the previous week, and to make sure that in their dealings with each other they had been fair and honest.  On the off chance that one had offended or wronged the other, whether intentionally or unintentionally, forgiveness was sought and extended, and then, together, they came to worship, having each grown a little bit, and having grown closer to each other.

Conflict is natural, inevitable, and actually essential to refine who we are, whose we are, and what we are to be about.  Conflict cannot harm us; how we respond to it can.

Let’s start by talking to each other rather than about each other.  If we can do that, we’ll already be 99% of the way there.

I am indebted to Rev. Beth Crissman and her book, Longing to Belong, in the creation of this sermon.

Unity in the Body (Acts 2:42-47)

⁴² The believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to the community, to their shared meals, and to their prayers. ⁴³ A sense of awe came over everyone. God performed many wonders and signs through the apostles. ⁴⁴ All the believers were united and shared everything. ⁴⁵ They would sell pieces of property and possessions and distribute the proceeds to everyone who needed them. ⁴⁶ Every day, they met together in the temple and ate in their homes. They shared food with gladness and simplicity. ⁴⁷ They praised God and demonstrated God’s goodness to everyone. The Lord added daily to the community those who were being saved.

Think of a baby’s first word – the first time a baby can intelligibly utter that word and correctly identify something in their world – that’s a huge deal!  I have a cousin whose first word was “bang!” – and that is all you need to know about her personality!

Typically, baby’s first word names an object.  Their first words will be objects that are most important to them: things and people that make them happy.  They will name the things close at hand, things they see on a regular basis, things they enjoy.

But, early in their development, when their vocabulary is still quite small, research indicates that every baby will have two non-nouns in the first 30 words of their vocabulary – “No!” and “Mine!”  If you’ve spent any amount of time with a baby or a small child, they understand “Mine!”

“Mine” is one of the earliest concepts we grasp.  And grasp we do!  Think of the instinctual way a baby will grasp at the things in the world around them.  No one has to teach them this.  The concept of “mine” comes to each of us quite naturally.

It’s our default mode.  You’ve seen where two kids are together in a room full of toys, and they will both want to play with the same toy.  Even if there are other versions of the same toy in the room, they will want to play with the same exact toy.  The point here is not to pick on babies, but to understand that we all start out in this world completely self-centered and self-absorbed.  And for some of us, we simply never outgrow it.

How many human conflicts, are at their root, simply a fight about “mine?”  From kids scrapping on the floor over a toy, to countries at war over borders and territories and resources, we see how the concept “mine” drives so much human conflict.  Because, if we both have our eye on the same thing and only one of us gets it, conflict is sure to follow.

Growing up, every Monday was grocery day in our house.  As a matter of principle, my mom would only buy one box of kids’ cereal a week – you know, something sugary with cartoon characters on the box.  The rest was “healthy” cereal.

Cereal was not a snack in our house, it was only for breakfast, which meant that the first opportunity to have some of that delicious kids’ cereal was breakfast Tuesday morning.  And so, with four kids in the house, every Tuesday, my sister, Megan, who, on most mornings could not be pried out of bed with crowbar, would wake up extra early and single-handedly eat the entire box of Lucky Charms or Froot Loops or Apple Jacks or whatever it was, and leave none – none, zero – for her three siblings.  And after 25 years and a whole lot of therapy, I can now talk about it without getting too upset (although, I’m still talking about it 25 years later, so maybe that should tell you something!).

But, the way the world works is that everything is in limited supply.  Only so much to go around; early bird catches the worm; you snooze, you lose; too bad, so sad!  We go through life with a scarcity mindset, always grasping at what is “mine” and what we want to be “mine,” convinced that there will never be enough to go around, someone will always get the short end of the stick, and so it may as well not be us.

But as people of faith, we’re called to live differently.  We’re called to live better.

Today’s Scripture reading gives us a glimpse of Christian community as God intends.  These few verses provide us with a beautiful picture of what church life is supposed to look like: everyone devoted to the teaching of the apostles, to sharing, to breaking bread together, and to prayer.  A place where everyone pools their resources, and gives freely and abundantly to anyone among them with need.  A community of worship and wholeness.  Gladness and generosity.  Simplicity and kindness.  Awe and wonder.  This is the picture of Christian community, and it’s a picture of unity.

To me, this is the most remarkable and amazing miracle recorded in Scripture.  To think that God could start with individuals whose natural inclination is to take care of themselves and look out for number one, and knit them seamlessly together into a community of great love and grace and sharing and simplicity.

Only the Holy Spirit could cause us to lay aside our inherent selfishness, biases, prejudices, and self-importance to bring us together with such a clear sense of purpose and unity.  Community like that – such radical sharing – doesn’t just happen; it’s a gift of the Holy Spirit.  When each of us stops worrying about and grasping for what is “mine,” we are formed into a Christian community who so whole-heartedly, completely, and joyfully does precisely what Jesus wants us to do.

We touched on this last week, that the unity to which we are called is never unity for its own sake, but always unity in Christ.  Christ is the head of the church, not you, not me!  He’s the brains of the operation, he’s the one in charge, he’s the one calling the shots.  The church doesn’t belong to you or to me, it belongs to Jesus, to do the things in the world he wants, even more than the things you or I might want.

Vance Whicker was telling me last week about a friend of his who is in a business where he sells to a lot of different organizations.  He said his two most difficult clients are country clubs and churches, because each member thinks they own the place, and each member thinks they’re in charge.

We can forget quickly who we are, and to whom we belong.  We revert back to “mine” pretty quickly.  But, friends, let us never forget that we belong to something that doesn’t belong to us.  The church belongs to Jesus.  One body with many members.  Each member doing its part for the good of the whole.

That’s how different people with different opinions and preferences and perspectives and dreams can come together into a unified whole.  The Holy Spirit empowers us, not to lay aside our differences or overlook them, but to allow our differences, whatever they are, to be secondary to our unity in Christ.

John Wesley said, “If you heart is as my heart, then give me your hand.”  He didn’t say, “If your music is like my music,” “If your skin color is like mine,” “If your politics, or your age, or only if you come to the 9am service or the 11am service,” no – if your heart is as my heart, then give me your hand.

The heart of a disciple of Jesus is simply one who loves God and loves neighbor.  The church in our passage from Acts is described as “continually praising God and having the goodwill of all the people.  When the early Church spent their time praising God and having the goodwill of all the people, they were living out Jesus’ command to love God and love neighbor.

And what happened?  The Lord added daily to the community those who were being saved.  Filled with the Holy Spirit, everyone was part of it – it took the whole community, everyone contributing according to their own means, and united in Christ, of whose body we are a part, whose church this is.

You see, we’re not “owners” of the church.  We are stewards.  To be a steward is to take care of something that doesn’t belong to you.  It’s entrusted to you, you may be able to use it and enjoy it and enhance it, but ultimately, it belongs to someone else.

The Psalmist says, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.  The world and all its people belong to him” (Psalm 24:1).  Don’t let that one slip by too easily – this is pretty important!  The earth and everything in it belong to whom?  To God.  The world and all its people belong to whom?  To God.

Even we belong to God.  If there were a tag on you, it would have “Property of God” written in permanent marker on it.

Your hands and feet, your intellect and skills and all the things you have used to make a living, those belong to God as well.  The title to your car should really be in God's name, the deed to your house should have God listed as owner, and your bank statement should have God listed as the account holder, and you as the custodian of the account.  It all belongs to God - everything we own, everything we have, everything we are - it all belongs to God.

Now, here is the fun part - God loves to share.  So yes, it all belongs to God, but God freely shares everything with us that we might enjoy it.  God is generous, gracious, radical, and conspicuously abundant with everything God has, and invites us to be the same.

It's like when you soak the stem of a white carnation in colored water, and after a day or two, the color of the water shows in the petals of the carnation.  If our lives are soaked in the generosity and blessing and abundance of God, eventually those same characteristics are going to start showing up in our lives, as well.  We may start out grasping and fighting over what is “mine,” the character of God overrides the system, and so we become generous and gracious and loving, just like God.

Ultimately, it’s God who shapes us and forms us as a community, but always with our cooperation and commitment.  God works in and through people who are willing to teach and be taught, who are open to the gifts of God in others, and who give themselves to God and to one another, who are more interested in being in right relationship than just in being right.

Maybe the first thing is to resist the temptation to so neatly divide the world into yours and mine, us and them.  We’re all on the same team, thanks be to God, and we’re all in this together.  Rather than worrying about what belongs to us, would we remember that we belong to Jesus, and because of that, we belong to each other.